It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
