I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
where am i from again
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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