The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
