But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
