I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
