idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
