I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
