I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
