it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Buhtt sex?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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