The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
