You're completely useless in the revolution.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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