Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I will be naked everywhere
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
