and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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