I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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