I CAN MOONWALK!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
