Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
