WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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