That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
