problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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