last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
