I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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