I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
