I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
3pm strippers are depressing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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