Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
