I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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