ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
