chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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