you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
