Pants 0. Shit 1.
no, he came in my armpit
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
