You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
