i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
