i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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