im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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