cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
