You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
