I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize