Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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