shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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