I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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