Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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