I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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