No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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