So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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