she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
