i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
