bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
