I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
