why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
