take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
