I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
