Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
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Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
