someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Panties = found
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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