already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize