Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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