How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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