so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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