Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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