if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
