Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
