i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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