Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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