dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
