Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
