i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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