Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
