Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
