We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got inside last night via doggy door
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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