Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
