I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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