her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
